O Words.

There's gotta be a balance. But how do we achieve that balance-- which is probably different for each individual? It is funny how we can have so much to say at one moment, and not want to say anything at the other. And not saying things we meant to say, but wasting words on things beside the point. Or sometimes, being too stingy with words and not wanting at all to say anything (unnecessary or not) in fear.

Or sometimes, feeling there isn't a need for words at all... but at times, feeling that all you ever needed to hear to keep you going was that certain string of words.
Are words really that important? Are words really not important?


O Words,
played me the fool thee hath.

Why thou? Keepeth thee flesh yearning?
Thee, that hath turned upon mortal man,
in thy envy,
and fleeing, thou hath
pulled so-- hard,
on these heart strings of purity?

O Words,
I do detest thee,
In fact, defied thee i hath,
to little avail.

Thee that so tempt one,
to pursue after,
and to willingly be led,
into thy dark shed of
shadows of doubt.

O Words,
should thou be of non- existence,
this heart would indulge in belief,
this soul in consolation.

But thou that doth so exist,
and art thus real,
O Words,
Make mortal man wonder,
doth make mortal man desire,
to feel thee-- if even just,
breezing past
these ears, hungry for affirmation.

Well, just trying out Archaic English;) haha.

The Conversation that probably WAS :))

Everytime we tell others, "I'm fighting an internal conflict," we fail to realise that there are some out there who perk up at these words, thinking that their invisible fight has finally been recognised and acknowledged. But no, we keep disappointing these humble souls that are continuously striving for our sakes by continuing with "...so not in the mood to talk."

Because! A literal, real and very much alive fight is going on!


On a bright, happy morning...


Master: I'm fighting an internal conflict...

Skin: No you aren't, we are.

Master: ..so i'm emo and I don't wanna talk about it.

Mucous: Gee man, I work like slaves giving birth to Lys everyday and all that moron of a Master has to remember is her mental problems.


Skin: Excuse me, you think you're the only one? I not only have to sweat (literally) to give birth to Lys okay, there's still Sebum.

Lysozyme & Sebum: Peace, forefathers, we're here for the same reason, let's not allow war to rage among ourselves.

Mucous: War already is raging! Look, there's the enemy! Za, have you returned for revenge?

Influenza: No i'm here to make allies.


Skin: Allies! You?! Us?! Hah!! Get away or i'll make Lys go after you!

Mucous: Peace, brother, let us hear what he has to say.

Influenza: I know of your Master. She has neglected you all, hasn't she?

Skin, Mucous, Lysozyme and Sebum were quiet. Could they deny that?

Influenza: What if...we joined forces and taught her a lesson eh?

Skin: What's there in it for us?

Influenza: Well, nothing much really-- other than, perhaps, satisfaction. Take it or leave it, i'll be doing the dirty job anyway. All you all gotta do is...let me enter.

And so the pact was made.

The Master was going to school, moaning and complaining about how her life sucked.

Meanwhile, a sudden out roar raged among the Phagocytes. Neutrophil and Monocyte were having an argument.

Nuetro: Listen up men! There's been foul play! Foul play, foul play!

Mono: Enemy detected! Enemy detected! Second Line of Defence! Calling the Second Line of Defence!

Neutro: Za's coming! Listen, Mono, gather the men, I will enter Interstitial with my men first, we'll wait for you there.

Mono: No, we're leaving now, we're going to Lymph.

Neutro: You can't. Listen to me, Lymph has turned to join Influenza and the other rebels!

Mono: It's more strategic attacking from Lymph!

Neutro: No, we have to go to Interstitial.

Mono: Why should I listen to you? Men! Come with me!

And so Mono and his men left a shrieking Neutro and proceeded to Lymph, where they actually joined forces with Influenza, betraying the worthless Master and Neutro. Neutro and what's left of them fought against the army of Influenza they met in Interstitional.

While at Interstitial...

Nuetro: Commando! You take Bacterium 1 to the left, i'll fight the other cohorts!

Commando: Yes, sir! I've extended my pseudopodium!

Neutro: Carry on! Carry on!

Commando: Engulfment, check!

Neutro: Time to carry out the Phagolysosome, Commando!

Commando: Yes, sir! (releases Lysosome)

Lysosome: Lysozyme discharged! Bacterium 1 destroyed!

Neutro: Bravo, men! Charge forward, forward, forward...

However, the mass of Influenza Bacterium were too heavy and the army was forced back into BloodStream.

Neutro was defeated..

Neutro: There's nothing else we can do, Commando. There's only one thing left to do...that is to wait and see. Our only hope left is Immune Sys. The rest have joined the enemy...


The army of Influenza managed to overcome the Second Line of Defence, what with Monocyte and the rest letting them in. And the last battle commenced.

Antibody 1: Antigen spotted! Antigen spotted!

Antibody 2: Eh? Antigen ar? Who's one? Weiii, i just fell asleep leh. (Sorry ar, tired with the good English liao)

Antibody 1: It's Za! Influenzaaaa!!! Waaaaa..!

Antibody 2: So? What you want me to do? Agglutinate? Neutralise? Opsonise? Or carry out Lysis ha? Faster liao.

Antibody 1: Agglutinate! Wait no, Phagocyte doesn't wanna work with us any longer. They won't capture Antigen after we clumped them.

Antibody 2: Like that i neutralise lorrr...

Antibody 1: We can't do that! Za's too strong for it, it has evolved, the toxins are harder to neutralise this time.

Antibody 2: Walao eh, you very loso. Like that I opsonise lor...

Antibody 1: No no no! Told you Phagocyte doesn't wanna help already! Which part of it do you not understand! What's the point of marking Antigen, huh huh huh?

Antibody 2: Then? Lysis ar?

Antibody 1: No no no!

Antibody 2: I sleep 1st laaa you decide then wake me up.

Antibody 1: Hey wake up! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!

Antibody 2: Zzz...

Antibody 1: Fine! We'll Agglutinate... No wait, we'll carry out Lysis, no, Neutralise. No! Opsonise! No no, won't work, Lysis i spose. No no no. Opsonise. No, Neutralise. No, no no...

And that was how it went one...with Antibody 1 ranting, and Antibody 2 sleeping on..

And so Influenza broke in and Master fell sick.

And ended the emo days of Master and she started taking note more of the true internal conflict raging.

Began appreciating Defence more than ever and took care of them and acknowledge them.

And they lived happily ever after. The End.

Moral of this Story: Appreciate your health, keep your thoughts positive. And don't revise Biology in excess.

How long O Lord, will Your anger be forever?
How long O Lord, must my soul await in disdain?
I sought you in familiar faces,
I searched you in psalms and praise,
but you were not there.
I reached out my grappling arm
and cried out unto Your name.
Have mercy O Lord, on Your servant,
quieten this restless heart.
O God, how I love Your dwelling place,
the house where Your glory dwells.
For in it, am I secure
from the snares and clutches
of these wandering thoughts.
In it, can I bask in Your presence,
as you cause Your countenance to shine upon me.
Deliver me, Lord, this weary soul
faints only for Your saving grace.
And 'til then, for You alone
will my soul await in silence,
for You are my salvation.

-stringed with my own words some verses in the Bible; mostly Psalms.

Time is very slow for those who wait,
very fast for those who are scared,
very long for those who lament,
very short for those who celebrate.
But for those who love, time is eternity.
--William Shakespeare

And in the Eucharist, i find everyone there...

How is it that i keep forgetting that?

The Conversation that never was.

In the rare quietness of the house, with me just staring blindly at the computer screen... There suddenly a voice called out my name...

Voice: Sophiaa...

Bewildered, i looked around, but there was not a single soul in sight. I shook my head and continued my "What does your nostrils say about your attitude?" quiz on Facebook. As i was answering this question;

3. How many times do you dig your nose in a day?
a) Never
b) Once
c) Only at night
d) So many time i can't recall

...suddenly, the same raspy voice called out again!

Voice: Sophia... Can't you hear me?

I decided to reply, although stuttering.

Me: Y..ye..yes. I can. But w-where are you? W-w-who are y-you?
Voice: Have you forgotten me? But how could you?

I started spinning in my chair and covered my ears with my hand. But when i let them go, the voice continued...

Voice: I am your old flame. Your love. Your everything.
Me: But who are you??
Voice: My name is...Nescafe.

I let out a sharp gasp, my heart beating so fast it hurt.

Me: It's you...again! What do you want from me this time?!
Voice: Don't you...don't you miss me?

I dropped my head, ashamed.

Me: Of course i do, darling.
Voice: Then, why haven't you come to visit for months?
Me: I...I...I...
Voice: But why?!
Me: I can explain, love.
Voice: Then, explain! I'm listening.
Me: I couldn't help it, i really couldn't. But I had a new priority...i couldn't afford to see you anymore.
Voice: Why?
Me: My mum won't let me!

I was close to tears. Why didn't he understand?

Voice: Your mum? Again?
Me: Yes... and she introduced me to someone new:(
Voice: She dared?!?! Did she?! Who is it? Who made you change your heart?!
Me: H..his..His name's Lipton.

There was a dreaded moment of silence... A pin dropped and the both of us could hear the silence between us.

Voice: It's him... Do...do you love him?
Me: I really didn't! I swear i didn't! But i started to spend everyday with him..and i guess...i guess i started growing fond of him.

All i could hear was the sound of a small hiccup and i could hear Nescafe drawing in a deep breath. Uh-oh...

And then..he broke down.

Voice: How could you do this to me? We've been together for 13 years. How could you, how could you fall for someone you just met?
Me: It's not Lipton's fault! This is Gastric's fault. He batu-api'ed my mum:( Now, my mum doesn't trust you, she thinks you'll endanger me, put me to harm. But, but you'll always remain first in my heart! Although we're not allowed to meet anymore..Truly truly!
Voice: Then, why won't you come to me anymore?

And suddenly, something within me snapped.


There was a "pop" sound and suddenly, Nescafe showed himself. I couldn't take it anymore. Running and flailing my arms, i ran into his embrace. Who cares about Lipton, who cares about mother? It's just me...and Nescafe now and my cousin in the background.



And we lived happily ever after. The end.



Author's Note: Please note that the above is entirely fictional and any resemblance to real life events were unintended. No Nescafe or Lipton were exposed to harm and danger in the process of publishing. (Closest i can get to writing a love story eh!)

Just my crazy little craving for coffee at the wrong time, have to replace it with tea instead these days hehe.


Damn, now it's calling out my name again! Should I?

Runaway Train

Sometimes, i feel like this song.

Runaway Train - Soul Asylum

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

CHORUS

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

If you watched the video on youtube, it's used to bring awareness to the public about missing children and teenagers.

Runaway train, where are they? Sometimes, i look around and see that even in kids; my cousins, nieces, nephews... their eyes depict a certain kind of sadness. And then we wonder why some of them self- inflict hurt, why some of them grow up as problematic teenagers, why some of them have no opinion or ground of their own, why some parents do not treat their children with respect and love they're due.

During the 10th anniversary--for lack of better word- of the Columbian school shooting, one of the parents of the shooting victim was being interviewed, and he said something along those words, when asked if he was enraged,

"I do not blame the kid who did this. There isn't anyone to blame in this. It's just that...we've lost God."

I

I’m blinded and you can’t see it,
I’m close and you won’t knock.

I choke on non- existent tears,
And you’re trapped in your own.

I drown in my transgressions,
And you wallow in self- pity.

I stare and know that though not alone,
I’m lonely.

How then can I, cling onto you,
Make you hold on tight till all slips away,
When you’re probably thinking the same,
About me.


Sometimes, it's funny how we only see ourselves standing alone in this world. And it makes us bitter, enraged, confused and hurt. Then from the inside out, we cry out, to no avail, because it isn't something audible or explainable with words. Then, we wonder if people around actually feel the same, if they even notice or realise the internal lashing. And because of that, there are people who inflict hurt- physical, emotional, mental and spiritual- upon themselves.

I guess, everyone has their own tune to their own cries. How good it is if we could just hear one another. Or maybe, we just choose not to, because we believe it only happens to us. And who knows, maybe it is really only us.

So, people stumble on straight- faced, laughing and oblivious, refusing to look at others in case they see themselves in there- actually uncertain of themselves.